[ [ [ !! WARNING !! ] ] ] Posts consist of the irate rantings of a former graduate student who has spent the past several years studying philosophy, religions, ethics, public health, and environmental issues. Now working as a clinical researcher and trying to remain sane between the hours of 9-5. Topics will generally involve cycling, food, design, cool gear, and whatever else might come to mind. Enjoy.
A joke from my mother…
ON PROFESSION
An old country preacher……had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects..
- A Bible…
- A Silver dollar…
- A bottle of whiskey…
- and a Playboy magazine…
‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself. ‘When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.
If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing
that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man, and that would
be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and
Lord, what a shame that would be…
And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a
skirt-chasing womanizer.’
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up
the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and
took a big drink, while he admired this month’s centerfold.
‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
‘He’s gonna run for Congress.’
(Thanks Mom)
I included this as part of a tips and tricks sheet that I sent to the students I TA in one of my classes. Hopefully they get a laugh, but also the point.
Oh cyclocross season… I miss you. Please come back soon.
(via dudeseriously)
Happy VD folks!
“Newt Gingrich is an idiot of great renown. There is something so hopelessly gross and vile about him.” - Maurice Sendak
(via thisiswatermags)
![Happy Groundhog Day!
He’s clearly not listening to NPR. [Related: Bill Murray on Fresh Air]
(via nprfreshair & luciwithani)](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyrou2rXUa1qzk73xo1_500.gif)
Happy Groundhog Day!
He’s clearly not listening to NPR. [Related: Bill Murray on Fresh Air]
(via nprfreshair & luciwithani)
Joe King, telling it like it is.
(If you haven’t already, go support Yehuda Moon and the Kickstand)
The Classic Ice Fishing Joke
A man wakes up early one morning to go ice fishing. He dresses warmly, and heads out onto the ice with his tent, his ice auger, his fishing rods, and his sittin’ bucket, and begins to auger a hole in the ice. After just a few seconds of drilling with the auger a big booming voice from above intones: “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE!” The man looks around and, not being a very religious man, resumes drilling his hole in the ice. Again, he hears the thunderous voice: “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE!” Becoming a little spooked, the man packs up his gear and moves 30 feet from where he was and begins making a new hole in the ice. “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE EITHER!” the voice thunders again.
The man looks up, “God, is that you?”
The voice responds “NO, IT’S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!”
This joke has been told countless times. It’s a good bet that most folks hailing from the upper midwest and northeastern United States, as well as most of Canada have heard at least one variation on it. In the world of joke telling, the topic of fishing is quite a popular one, although ice fishing jokes make up a very small percentage of all fishing jokes. This may be attributed to the fact that extreme cold weather often times does not put a person in a joking mood.
(via bestmadeco & iamcharlotteaddams)
“Shit Cyclists Say”
This is 100% true. Every word. Also I laughed so hard watching this that I may need to change myself. Can’t tell you how often I hear these in the shop.
(Thanks to thatkidfromthatplace and macaframasf for bringing this to my attention)
(via thatkidfromthatplace)
Absolutely true. Sadly I have to yield to other beards often.
(via patriciopatricio)
My friend, Geekhouse teammate, and CX nemesis @tristans shared this with me. Don’t care what Quark thinks…. Root beer is the one and only drink!
I’d say my choice is high on the pulpiness index… probably near “I’m Not Fucking With You. There’s So Much God Damned Pulp In This Sumbitch That You Should Forget A Straw Because You’ll Need A Fucking Ladle.” Pulp makes OJ delicious.
No pulp is for n00bs.
Thank you, twentyytwo, for giving this post its 10,000th note!
And thanks to everyone who thought it was amusing enough to click “like” or to reblog or to share the link.
Now I will work on coming to grips with the fact that my life has peaked thanks to a blog post about orange juice and that the rest of my existence is just downhill from here!
At the grocery store. Orange juice was available as:
- No Pulp
- With Pulp
- MORE Pulp
- LOADED With Pulp
They did not have the other levels which are, in order of increasing pulpitude:
- Loaded With Even More Pulp
- Extra Loaded With Lots Of Pulp
- Holy Shit, That’s A Lot Of Pulp
- Seriously. There’s A Lot Of Pulp In This Motherfucker.
- Stop Fucking With Me. Who Would Want This Much Pulp?
- I’m Not Fucking With You. There’s So Much God Damned Pulp In This Sumbitch That You Should Forget A Straw Because You’ll Need A Fucking Ladle.
- Screw The Ladle. Get A Carving Knife.
- No Longer Juice. Slightly Damp Pulp.
- An Orange
“slightly damp pulp” lulz
